Written by: Deepika Sathish
Published on: 02/01/2026
I want you to imagine your psychological life as a river: your present behavior is what's flowing now, but everything upstream—rocks, bends, tributaries, rainfall—affects how the water moves. Those upstream elements are your past experiences. Just because they're behind you doesn't mean they aren't influencing what you do, what you feel, and how you respond today.
What I mean by "past experiences"
When I say "past experiences," I'm referring broadly to many things:
✓ Childhood life: relationships with caregivers, rules in the home, messages you learned about yourself
✓ Significant events: losses, traumas, successes, disappointments
✓ Repeated patterns: ways people treated you, recurring situations
✓ Learned beliefs: what you decided (consciously or unconsciously) about who you are and how the world works based on what you observed or experienced
These experiences don't all sit in your conscious awareness. Some are vivid memories; others are more subtle, woven into how you see people, how safe you feel, how you expect things to go.
In what ways your past influences the present
Here are some of the ways I often see in therapy, and in psychological research, how the past shows up in the here and now:
◆ Core beliefs & assumptions: From early experiences, you develop core beliefs—about yourself ("I am worthy" or "I am unlovable"), about others ("people can't be trusted" or "others are supportive"), and about the world ("things will go wrong," or "the world is helpful"). These beliefs often operate automatically. They form assumptions you carry into new situations.
◆ Automatic thoughts and emotional reactions: When something happens now, an old memory or feeling may trigger your automatic thought ("They'll abandon me, just like my parent did") or an instant emotion (fear, shame, anger). Before you have time to think rationally, your past has already nudged you.
◆ Patterns of behavior: Over time, you rehearse ways of acting that worked (or at least seemed to protect you) in the past. These become habitual. For example, maybe withdrawing when conflict arises because earlier you were punished for speaking up; or over-pleasing because that's how you got love or acceptance.
◆ Cognitive biases & perceptual filters: The way you interpret situations is colored by what you've experienced. If in the past someone praised you only when you were perfect, you might focus only on imperfections now. If you've had betrayal before, you might overinterpret ambiguity in relationships as threat.
◆ Emotional memory & somatic markers: Sometimes you don't consciously recall a past event, but your body or emotional system remembers: a racing heart, tight chest, nausea. Emotional learning is powerful. Your body learns what signals danger or safety based on past, and these signals influence choices—often before you realize.
◆ Self identity & narrative: How you tell your story to yourself includes what's happened: your successes, failures, how people have treated you. That story shapes your identity: who you believe yourself to be ("fast learner," "always the one who messes up," "caretaker," etc.). Your identity affects what you try, what you avoid, what you expect from others, and how you treat yourself.
Why this matters
Understanding the influence of the past is useful for you, because:
✓ It gives you self awareness. Many times, behaviors or emotions feel inexplicable — but seeing them as traces of past experiences helps you make sense of them rather than blame yourself for being "broken."
✓ It shows places where you have choice. Even though past experiences shape you, they don't have to determine your future. Recognizing automatic reactions opens room to respond differently.
✓ It helps in healing. Some past experiences linger as pain, shame, or fear. If you bring them into awareness (safely, with support), you can work through them, change beliefs, let go of unhelpful habits.
✓ It builds compassion toward yourself. Instead of shame ("Why do I always overreact?"), you can understand ("Because once, I learned that I had to be constantly alert"), which brings gentler self treatment.
What you can do (steps toward change)
Here are practical things I often suggest clients do to reduce unhelpful influence from the past, and to harness it positively:
◆ Reflect & map
Identify meaningful experiences in your past (especially ones that still evoke strong feelings). Write or talk about them. Notice what beliefs you took away from these experiences.
◆ Notice triggers
Pay attention to when in the present you react strongly, feel hurt, or behave in ways you later regret. Ask: "What in this moment reminds me of something from before?" The past is often echoed in triggers.
◆ Challenge old beliefs
Once you identify beliefs formed long ago (e.g. "I'm not lovable," "If I speak up, I'll be rejected"), test them. Are they always true? What evidence contradicts them? Over time you can reshape or weaken beliefs that cause distress.
◆ Build new behavior patterns
Try out new ways of responding: speaking up when normally you'd be quiet, setting boundaries when you used to go along, asking for help instead of withdrawing. Even if awkward at first, these new habits can rewrite your internal scripts.
◆ Mindfulness and emotional regulation
Practices that help you stay aware of what's happening inside (thoughts, body, emotions) can slow down automatic responses. This gives you space to choose a different reaction than what the past would automatically pull you toward.
◆ Therapeutic work
Working with a therapist can guide you through more painful or complicated past experiences, help process them (through talk therapy, EMDR, or other modalities), integrate them into your self story in a way that's more balanced.
A note of hope
While the past exerts a strong influence, it does not lock you in forever. People's brains and personalities are plastic—meaning change is possible. You have more reserves than you often realize: capacity for insight, growth, self compassion, and new learning. Over time, with awareness, intention, sometimes with guidance, you can let go of what no longer serves you, heal from past hurts, and build behaviors that align with who you want to be.
